Covid Furlough/Layoff….Pre-Retirement or Sabbatical??

I have had the regular thought of “what will retirement be like?” come to my mind more as I both grow in my career and as I age. I have seen and heard about people who fizzled out once they retired. I have seen people not engage in intellectually stimulating work, hobbies, whatever we are supposed to do when we retire. And I have also been incredibly fortunate enough to be growing in my leadership career over the last 15 years. You know what I really mean when I say that, right? People listen to me because I have “a title”.

That title is a weird thing that just hangs out there, somewhere in space, making me curious. Do people listen to me ONLY because I have a title? Do people listen to me only because they are “supposed to”? Or, the one I really long for, do people listen to me because I have earned it? And then as I start to think about retirement, the intellectual battle (notice I don’t say ‘the voices in my head argue’!) that when I retire, I will no longer be relevant.

Is that true? Have I allowed myself to become that person who can’t split their life and true meaning away from this “title” I carry around professionally? Have I risen through the ranks to a level of unawareness of how to be relevant for exactly who I am and not because of what society says I am?

Then as the voices, I’m sorry, as my intellect battled on, Covid 19 made its way into our country. I was traveling to one of my newly assigned regions to discuss the go live of a new electronic health record. I had already done one go live with this electronic health record in my first region, and now we were getting ready for the next region. I remember we were traveling for work one week and the next week the notices started coming; “Travel Ban”. Then we started to meet in our regions on preparedness and an “all hands on deck” approach, everyone was essential, I was told. Then we saw the Governor start to decrease services. We started cancelling and rescheduling radiology procedures. Then we started talking about screening everyone walking into the building. Then we started talking about closing entrances to the building and only using a few select entrances. Then we started cancelling surgeries, hundreds at a time. Then the leaders I reported to started to do battle with the individual regions’ leaders - “No Furlough”! But weeks went on and still things were getting cancelled. We had buckets and buckets of work to be completed in our electronic health records and so we took a total of $11 Million dollars worth of week and in less than 2 weeks time took it down to $2 Million.

Then the call came. 9:45 a.m., it was my boss telling me to make sure that I got on a 10 a.m. meeting that was not on my calendar, but she would be sending. All she said was “it’s about furloughs”. Of course, I instantly knew that it meant I was getting furloughed. I allowed the 5% of me to say, no it might be about others you have to furlough. Nope. The invite came and it was just me, my boss and the HR VP. I was being furloughed. I was being sent Unemployment Papers. I had never been “Unemployed” before. I had changed jobs, yes. I had even had points in my career where I had the “awkward conversation” with the boss, sure. But I had always taken instruction, worked on myself or the project that was needing work and grew. I got better. But this was not about me. This was about “volumes decreasing due to COVID-19”. Nothing I could do about that. Not my choice. And the words they chose to use; “Indefinite Furlough”. I won’t lie, all I heard was “Eternal Furlough”. “Infinite Furlough”. “Furlough and I can’t explain it Furlough”. What the heck is furlough? I am not a missionary home from the mission field. That’s the only context I had heard that word. And unemployment.....what was going on?

Writers Note to Self: I do feel it is important to put a small footnote here. Work at the time really sucked. It was not just the growing COVID - 19 environment and all the stressors that came with it. But the environment at work had grown increasingly divisive and unpleasant. It was not easy being at work during this period. We were moving millions out the door and it was one of those seasons where it still “wasn’t good enough”. So I was told at 10 a.m. that I was being furloughed and I left at 12:35. I wrapped up my stuff, reported out to the manager who reported up to me what I was working on at the time and then conference called with all the other leaders I serve what was happening and I was done. I walked out the door with a few of my personal belongings and I won’t lie, I felt relief.

I came home and called a meeting with my husband who happened to be off that day and my 2 college aged kids who had been sent home from their campuses. I shared with them that for the first time in my life I was not actively working. I was “employed” but on “furlough” filing for “unemployment”. While I was confused, they were all so very supportive. I had my husband offering to pick up extra shifts and both my kids talking about getting jobs. A few short hours later my husband and son had set me up a new home office computer so I could work on whatever it was I needed.

I have always wanted to write, to teach and to help anyone who wanted it. It would be a dream to teach at a university and to have articles published. It has been 18 weeks since I have been furloughed. I was ultimately laid off from my job and have applied for dozens more. I have interviewed and interviewed, but the world is not the same as it once was. It is leaving its mark on so many of us. I don’t have the answers, and I don’t know for sure what is coming. But I know I am enjoying this time. It has not always been easy, but sometimes it is. It has not always been intellectually stimulating, but sometimes it is. This time is difficult but I am completely aware that it is producing something wonderful in me and I have peace with that. Not always, but sometimes.